Getting Bettter = Meaning Less

I’ve written myself into a little bit of a corner on this blog. One or two poignant posts about my husband and my son have left me feeling like I now need to say something worthwhile here.

That was never, ever my intention.

My intention was to simply have a place to keep writing after the magazine folded. Because when I write more, not only do I feel like I become a better writer, I actually feel like I become a better person.

I was thinking today about what it means to feel like a better writer. The truth is unlike most other professions it’s not always necessary to keep up with the latest developments of the craft itself. It’s not like anyone is likely to invent a lot of new punctuation that I need to bone up on. And as for vocabulary, even if I do learn a few new words now and then, I don’t remember them long enough to go ahead and use them.

For me, writing better is usually about three things:

1. Seeing things more clearly.

2. Being able to communicate what’s going on in my head.

3. Being willing to feel lost.

It may be a big coincidence that many of my current life struggles revolve around those same three principles. In fact, sometimes I feel like I can no longer do any one of them at all.

In the meantime, my blog is suffering. So I’ve decided to regroup. Meaning: I’m recommitting to writing about whatever dopey, meaningless thing strikes my fancy. For now, I’m going to stop worrying about whether any of it adds up to anything.

I don't know if this will help either my writing or my personhood. But it may help get me unstuck, here, on my blog.

And then, perhaps, like ripples in a pond...